Nadia Comanici

Express Your Feelings and Needs

How easy is it for you to express your feelings and needs in an authentic way—with compassion and firmness?
When it comes to the words we know to express our feelings and needs, the vocabulary we have and the language we use often don't support us as much as we'd like in our communication.
This palette of feelings and needs will help you make the necessary distinctions to communicate effectively and peacefully, refining your emotional and needs-based vocabulary.

I want the Palette of Feelings and Needs

Why do Feelings matter?

Feelings are persistent messengers

There are no good or bad emotions—rather, there are pleasant emotions (when needs are met) and unpleasant emotions (when needs are unmet).
Each emotion has its role and wants to send us a message. Like a courier trying to deliver a package, emotions are persistent messengers, determined to bring us a message: the state of our needs.
The more we ignore our emotions, these "couriers of our needs" will try even harder—and in different ways—to get the message across. They might “ring the neighbors’ doorbells” or even “throw little stones at our window” just to get our attention.
So… wouldn’t it be simpler to open the door and see what message they have for us?

What's the difference between a feeling and a perception?

Feelings are experienced in the body. Feelings are yours and only about you—they tell you what is alive in you.
Perceptions are perspectives / interpretations / judgments / thoughts about what you believe (in your mind). Perceptions tell you what meaning you assign to events, and they are debatable—because they represent only your perspective on reality, not absolute reality.
Usually, perceptions show up as critical thoughts toward others or the circumstances around you (and sometimes even toward yourself).

Why is it important to distinguish between feelings and perceptions?

When you connect with your feelings, you connect with what is alive in you—and you can discover your unmet needs, so you can take action.
No one can deny your feelings—they are yours alone, and their message is unique to you.
When you speak in terms of perceptions, you’re expressing interpretations (judgments), which can easily be challenged or dismissed by someone who sees the same situation differently. This can quickly lead to endless debates, where everyone insists on “their own truth.”
Perceptions are about what you think about others. And when you share your interpretation, the chances that the other person becomes defensive increase—because your message is about them (often with criticism or blame).
But when you speak from your feelings, you’re only talking about yourself, not about them—and that significantly lowers the likelihood of a defensive reaction.

Why are Needs important?

Everything we do, we do to meet a need

Most of the time, we express ourselves by saying “I need...” followed by a strategy, not an actual need.
Everything we do, we do to meet a need. So behind every strategy we choose, there is a need we’re trying to fulfill in the best way we know at that moment.

What’s the difference between a need and a strategy?

Needs are abstract nouns that show us what we need (such as safety, freedom, comfort, etc.). They are universally human—everyone has them—and you can find them in the list below.
Strategies are the concrete ways that show us how we try to meet those needs.
For example, a car might meet someone’s need for safety, someone else’s need for freedom, and another person’s need for comfort.
Control, for instance, is not a need, but a strategy. Wanting to be in control is a strategy we use to try to meet our underlying needs—like safety, predictability, or structure.
For every need, there is an infinite number of strategies we can choose to meet it.

Why is it important to distinguish between needs and strategies?

Needs never conflict, but strategies often do (I want one thing and you want something that seems different).
Unhappiness arises when we become attached to a specific strategy and believe it’s the only way to meet our need.
When we are able to listen to both sides in order to identify the needs behind the strategies, and activate our creativity, we can find a win-win strategy—one that is truly helpful because it makes both parties happy.

The Palette of Feelings and Needs

Download Wheel of Emotions	Download List of Needs	Download the Palette of Feelings and Needs

Want to know more about Giraffe Language?

It's more than just a way of speaking – it's a lens through which you see life and the humanity in everyone.
It's a way of speaking from heart to heart, with compassion and honesty, honoring what is alive in yourself and in others.

Free Workshops

Every month, I host one in-person workshop and one online workshop, where you can learn about Giraffe Language and practice it in a way that supports real change in your life.

I invite you to check the events page to see what’s coming up next.

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Contact me

contact@nadiacomanici.ro